Look into the Vista

A wise man once said that a person could never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the average person. Microsoft is banking on it. If you have seen the newest Mojave/Vista television commercials you will know exactly what I am talking about. That last statement will only be true if you, my reader, have an IQ above average. Not likely but we can all hope.

Microsoft went to San Francisco to find Windows XP users who had negative impressions of Vista. The subjects were put on video, asked about their Vista impressions, and then shown a "new" operating system, code-named Mojave. More than 90 percent gave positive feedback on what they saw. Then they were told that "Mojave" was actually Windows Vista.

If you do not realize why this was a poor experiment than let me explain why. The focus group did not have to install Vista or configure Vista. Let me explain further. The computer that you are sitting at now will not likely run Vista. If it can than you might be lucky or unlucky. The unlucky ones see the commercial, not listen to those of us screaming NO, and install Vista on their machines. Once you have installed the giant worm called Vista, you will notice that your computer will move slower than an old person on a Sunday drive. You will also notice that your printer, scanner, network and any other external devices might not run. Perhaps if you buy a new computer it will work better. If you don’t see the pun in that than perhaps you should buy a new computer.

Keep listening to the corporate brain washers, my fellow lemmings. By the way that is also another false misnomer. Lemmings don’t actually kill themselves by leaping off a cliff.

We should not be teaching our children to read and learn, we should be teaching our children to question what they have read and learned. After you watch any new commercial make sure you question it.

Don’t Let The Terrorists Win. Are they really terrorists, or are they Freedom Fighters? What is the difference and who determines the differences?

Perhaps you were asking for it?

I have been told that I am an angry person who has a negative outlook on life. Recently, I have been doing some reading and doing some research into verbal and non-verbal communication. I thought that it was the way in which I was communicating with others that led them to believe that I was an angry or negative person. After reading my result of my research you will realize that it was you and not me that has the problem.

Ninety-Five percent of the time, we get treated the way we INVITE people to treat us. Everything we do, especially our non-verbal behavior, is an invitation to those around us. A smile is an invitation. So is a frown. So is a sad face, an angry face, or a serious face. Body posture is also an invitation. The next time you are in a social gathering, just be an observer. Look around and ask yourself: "How is this person inviting people to treat them?" Then ask yourself another question: "Does this person actually get treated the way they are inviting us to treat them?" About 95% of the time the answer will be "Yes."

Once you've observed others and learned their invitations, you can look at yourself. Unfortunately, simply "observing" your own behavior won't work well. This is because most of our invitations are out of our awareness. To learn about yourself, answer this question: "How do most people treat me most of the time?" Come up with three or four adjectives which describe how you are usually treated. This is what you INVITE from other people! If you need three or four adjectives let me provide a few that you may wish to choose from. (Grumpy, Snobbish, Brain Dead, Dazed, Arrogant, Self-Centered, Uninterested, Withdrawn, Addled, Ignorant, Inarticulate, Irrational, Illogical, Obtuse, Stubborn, Dense, Fallacious, Stagnant, and just plain Uneducated.)

Take responsibility for your own invitations. This will be next to impossible for most of you. Ask yourself: "How would I treat someone like me?" Then admit that you invite what you get, and that you can learn and change. It's easier to blame others for how we are treated than it is to take responsibility for our invitations and make changes. But blaming doesn't work, and changing our invitations does.

I also want to add that in my research I learned that people who have a negative attitude towards life as well as people who are depressed, which I am not, are the only people who have a realistic view of how the world functions.

If you feel that I speak in a negative or angry fashion then there is a good chance it is because you have unknowingly asked me to treat you that way. Slap a smile on your crabby face. If you have read my previous rants than you will know that this alone will not likely fix the problem. A smile only gets you so far. At some point in time you will have to speak and leave no doubt in any ones mind that you are in fact a dim-wit.

Don’t Let The Terrorists Win. Smile at them, perhaps it was all a misunderstanding from the beginning. Most likely you were asking for it.

Anything longer than 30 seconds is far too long.

Attention Deficit Disorder is to long a name, so is Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. We shortened it to ADD and ADHD. Perhaps people with the disorder could not say the long version before they lost focus and thus it was shortened.

Did you know that an average commercial is only 30 seconds? Marketers use this length of time because it is the average attention span of your average person. This means you.

I fear that ADD or ADHD (for you idiots) is diagnosed to often. When I was a child I could not focus on anything for very long. As soon as my attention drifted my father, thank you father, smacked me up side the head to help me refocus at the task I was doing. After getting smacked three or four times I seemed to be cured of my ADD and ADHD. My father has miracle hands.

I have been told that my rants are to long. I have tried to keep the paragraphs short as well as this entire rant. As long as I keep everything short and once in awhile throw in a word like boobies or crap I think I can keep your attention.

My final point is this. Stop blaming ADD and ADHD (once again for you idiots) for your poor parenting or your own laziness to spend any sort of quality time doing something. If your average person lost their focus after 30 seconds he would forget to wipe his ass and end up with shit in his pants. If you are still reading this you are safe it has been more than 30 seconds. Although if you have had to take a break or have drifted away from this rant more than once, check your pants you have shit in them.

Put some effort into what you do, lazy bastards. Stop looking for excuses for your short comings. Your short comings are your fault, perhaps you are lazy and also a bit slow witted. Being slow witted would explain your inability to focus.

Don’t Let The Terrorists Win; have no fear they will lose focus in 30 seconds. No wait, you will lose focus in 30 seconds. It may take them a bit longer. That is not good for you.

Why can only white people be racist?

There a moments in life that can never be replaced. Years later you will look back at these moments with a smile. It is moments such as these that will get you through the tough times. They are moments in which you use to compare all other moments in your life against. Without these moments you could not make it through the rough times. They are moments that are paramount and vitality important to have.

Now imagine that some jackass robs you of these moments. Pretend that during the creation of these spiritual moments some inconsiderate (ethnic slur) arrives in your vicinity disregarding everyone but himself and his group. This is done by needlessly honking car horns, by blasting ear bleed (ethnic slur) music, and shouting in some crazy (ethnic slur) language. Keeping in mind that this is all done in an area where noise is supposed to be limited. This is an area where people come to enjoy and listen to nature. I cannot listen to the snap and pop of a blazing campfire and enjoy my beer with my closest friend while the previously mentioned (ethnic slur) music is echoing through my head.

I hate to be racist or even to stereotype people, nor do I like to label people or needlessly group people together, I have always believed the old saying: “When in Rome, do as the Romans.”

In Japan you would see me use chop sticks, eat rice, and learn Karate. While in India I would eat curry, put a red dot on my wife’s forehead, work in a call center, and watch people play flutes at snakes in wicker baskets. While in Afghanistan or Iraq I might try shooting a few infidels and wave around anti-American flags. In Mexico I would drink Tequila and get stupid drunk, all the while sporting a bandanna and taking lots of naps. While in Pakistan I could stop bathing and learn to drive a taxi. Being a Canadian, I do as all Canadian’s do, I drink Canadian beer, live in an Igloo and work as a lumberjack.

Of course the above paragraph is full of stereotypes, depending with whom you speak they may or may not agree. The point that I am making is this: If I was to live or visit a foreign country I would not force my customs and culture upon the native inhabitants. I would try my best to blend in and respect the native people. I would assimilate to the customs and culture of the country I was currently in. Why do people visit or live in my country and force their customs and culture upon me, then say I am racist if I don’t agree with them? I did not ask you to visit me. They must have left their country for a reason that had something to do with customs or culture, why bring it here and expect a change to occur?

Don’t Let The Terrorists Win. Go to their country and ignore their customs and culture. When the locals get mad you can whip out that race card. We all have one stuffed up our sleeves.

Don't Look Behind The Curtain

Every Saturday there is a routine that is followed here at the old homestead. I have no doubt that everyone has a similar routine. Your routine may not fall on the same day as mine but I am sure there is a routine on some other day of the week that mimics mine. The routine is almost a ritual to post-consumerism. It is a routine that every person who partakes in should be ashamed of. Every Saturday that I do this chore I continue to wonder how my family has managed to amass so much garbage.

After I sort out my recyclables I begin to fill large black garbage bags with items that cannot be reused. These items almost always seem to be used wrappers, packages, broken household items, let me stop there. I do not need to tell you what you throw in the garbage, you do it every day. The point I want to make is not about what we throw away or even how much we throw away. I want to talk about hypocrisy.

The public is constantly told to conserve energy. Turn off lights, change to energy star rated light bulbs and electrical equipment, car pool, use public transportation, recycle, use water restrictive shower heads and toilets, turn up our thermostat on our air conditioners, turn our heat down in the winter, the list is endless. At no point in time have I ever heard in any sort of detail equal to what I am told to do, what large corporations are doing to conserve.

I recall last summer I was on my way to Future Shop to purchase a few items. It must have been thirty degrees outside, I was thankful that my car had A/C. I parked my car and upon opening my car door I was bitch slapped by the best of what summer had to offer. I was most grateful when I stepped into Future Shop and was kindly wrapped in a coat of chilled air. I was at the store to purchase an air conditioner. As I waited for a salesman to assist me in my purchase, not that I needed assistance I have just been condition to think I need assistance by the big corporations, I watched the giant doors to the store open and close almost continuously. At the time it never occurred to me that not only have they not turned their air conditioners up a few degrees, this was highly noticeable due to the erect nipples of most of the woman, but they were allowing a vast majority of the energy spent cooling their monumental building escape into the warm outside.

I was most pleased with my purchase as I sat in front of the cooling effects of my new air conditioner. Now that I had it installed and was enjoying the fruits of my labour I figured it was a good time to read the instructions. Upon opening the first page I was informed that it was a good idea to conserve energy and turn up the temperature settings. It continued to inform me at what time of day I should and should not use it. I was shocked to have an entire chapter in this bible like manual devoted to telling me how I can save energy. If I wanted to save energy I would simply lie naked on the bathroom tiled floor, just like every other poor person in Canada. I figured I deserved it, I worked all week at a frantic pace doing physical work without air conditioning that I had no intention of conserving anything but my own personal energy.

I told you the above story only because it was that recollection that encouraged me to write this. I sit here miffed, let me be blunt, pissed that anyone should tell me how to conserve when clearly they are doing the opposite. I purchased an air conditioner at a store that was clearly not conserving anything, the package that the air conditioner came in was clearly not designed to conserve. There must have been at least five plastic bags, three plastic ties, and an arm load of Styrofoam, and a few other miscellaneous items. Let us not forget the giant box that this air conditioner came in. I think I saw a homeless man live in a box almost the same size. The damn instructions even came inside of a plastic bag and that plastic bag was inside another plastic bag.

It is the way of the rich. If you tell the poor to work hard and conserve then there will be more for the rich. The rich live off of the backs of the poor as the saying goes. I am not saying that I have the answers. I might have a few answers but not all of them. We should get the scientists who are hard at work keeping old people with stiff erections and give them the job of finding these answers. There is little doubt in my mind that large corporations are consuming more than you and I put together. When was the last time you flew in your personal jet to Paris for lunch? I am told to use public transportation to decrease my carbon emissions. Can you recall the last time a monster truck or NASCAR competition was canceled so they could conserve carbon emissions? We are told to sacrifice but I have yet to see any corporation or the super rich do any sort of the same.

I do not want people to increase their carbon footprint; in fact I want people to conserve even more. Most humans live far too high on the horse. Our standard of living is far too high for the earth to continue supporting. Perhaps I should rephrase that. We as the human race need to redirect our efforts away from frivolous things and redirect them into maintaining or increasing our standard of living while not only minimizing the destruction of the earth but improving the health of the planet. Corporations are concerned with how much money they can make not with the destruction they cause. If you doubt me then I encourage you to take half of your pay cheque every week and use it to plant trees. Can’t do it can you. I made my point.

Consumers are far too brainwashed, yes this mean you stupid, to ever raise enough of a protest to stop giant corporations from destroying our planet. It does not matter how many pop cans you recycle, corporations pollute far more than we can ever save. We piss and moan and pretend that we are doing good but your stupid ass still returns to Wal-Mart or Future Shop or some other store to purchase their over priced earth killing products.

There are far too many idiots in this world who doubt that ecological destruction of our planet is occurring. I say to them go pee in your pool and have a swim. Perhaps that is not enough of a visual for these low witted morons. Every morning I encourage them to pee in their fish tanks. Envision that their great grandchild in one of those cute little fish. How many times do they have to pee in the fish tank before their grandchild dies?

Go recycle your pop cans and newspapers and stand proud in the knowledge that you have done your fair share of saving the planet. Afterwards go watch TV with all of the other sheep. We are all being herded to the gates of ecological destruction by the infallible corporations.

Don’t Let The Terrorists Win; question our leaders and and their methods of conservation.

Pay No Attention.

Most if not all of us have read a book, magazine, email, posted a note on Face book or My Space; some of us have even sent e-greeting cards, text messaged on a cell phone or instant messenger. We are now eight years into the new millennium. What new and amazing advances in communication technology are we going to experience and possibly use during this next hundred years?

I don’t need to spend any money on long distant phone calls to update my friends on my life. I can inform all my friends at once without spending any money and spend even less time in doing so than making a phone call or doing a pop-in.

Currently I am typing this note while I watch a commercial for Tampons on my TV. Thank goodness that this note did not distract me from that. Now I am sipping my coffee, and multitasking between this note and MSN. I have now been informed that I received an email for Viagra. My wife will be happy. Now I am bouncing between three MSN friends, TV, my coffee, a game of online poker and my friends on that website, oh and this note. Now that I told you about the division of my attention does this note seem less sincere? What about instead of typing this note, you sat next to me and I was talking to you, but wait I would be talking to you, my three MSN friends, watching TV, drinking my coffee, was playing poker and also chatting with the people on that website and was checking my email. Let me not forget that while I was talking to you I was not using complete words but was in fact saying things such as LOL, OMG, IMHO, and once in a while held up a picture of :-) or :-( would you feel that our conversation was less sincere?

Which would you find more intimidating and upsetting? An email from a person describing to you that they think you’re an asshole, or a person 6 inches from your face yelling at you that you are and asshole? In either case you are still an asshole.

I can read an email telling me that there are people starving in Africa and people dying in Iraq. Actually I think I have 5 currently in my inbox. That is assuming my spam detector has malfunctioned. I am not going to read them, just click the delete button. I see on my friends Face book that my friends status says” … is L, my exBF DMPD me. HUH. I have little vested interest in any of that crap. If she cannot spend the time to write down her feeling and thoughts in more than one “sentence” without using pictures and random letters than I don’t have the time to care. Perhaps if I was in Iraq and witnessed the killing fist hand, then I might put more than a micro second of time into deleting the email. If my friend asked me if she could meet me for coffee and cry on my shoulder I might not find her “sentence” amusing and have some semblance of pity for her.

We live in a society with a lessening degree of human compassion and interaction. Our society only reinforces our self-centered attitudes and our ever inflating egos. I have many friends with whom I have been friends with for many years. For every fifty emails or text messages I received from them I get or make one phone call to them. For every twenty phone calls that I make to them, I might meet them for a coffee, once. I don’t even need to talk to my wife when she gets home. All information is passed to me on her drive home from her cell phone. I don’t even need to ask how she is doing, or for that matter how any of my friends are doing because, I only need to look to Face book or My Space to discover their emotions. I don’t ever learn why a certain song, movie, or book is important to you. You simple post it on you Face book with the assumption someone actually cares. If you told me that Titanic was your favorite movie because you had a family member die on that ship, and spent some, one on one time with me over a coffee discussing it, I might not laugh at your movie choices. Most of this time all emotion is lost due to the ever eroding English language. Words are replaced with emoticons or abbreviations, thus lessening its impact and becoming more easily dismissible. These people become more of a story book character and less of a person. I have more care and put more thought into how the characters on LOST are making out in their lives because I can at least see their faces and expressions, not to mention they use entire and most of the time correct sentences to explain themselves.

For every layer of distance that we put between us, the more easily dismissible the message becomes. I am less likely to ignore you if you are 4 feet away from me in the chair next to me. A phone call with Caller-ID can be easily ignored. An answering machine message can just as easily be ignored and erased as an email. How is ignoring my instant messenger any less ignorant and asshole-ish than me sitting next to you with my back facing you? I know you are there, you know I am there but I have no interest in removing my attention from something I care about to pay attention to you.

This attitude of “who gives a shit about you” I am more important is cultivated by our technology and seems to have rolled over into real life. The bitch that broke my pen, many years ago, without telling me, down to the ignorant prick that leaves their shopping cart blocking the aisle at the grocery store and the self righteous and ever more ridiculous looking young adults who bump into me so they don’t have to break up their line of 5 friends abreast at the shopping mall are very common and everyday occurrences. It might not be so bad if an apology or an acknowledgement of their selfishness or ignorance was tossed out from time to time. That would be a pipe dream.

If I were a ranting loon I might think that this was all a government ploy to create callous, detached, disinterested, dispassionate, heartless, apathetic, indecisive, arrogant, agenda driving, mindless lemmings.

If you think I am wrong then you are an idiot. I ask you this. How many of you called me or invited me out for a coffee on my Birthday? Other than my mother who does not have Face book and hates email I count zero. Although I received numerous one sentenced illiterate “H-Bday’s” messages and emails. Do not think I am mad. I expect it. Just don’t expect more from me. I fully believe and have come to terms with the above paragraph, although it probably isn’t a government ploy, but the rest is true.

If you want my attention and my empathy don’t sent me an email or a text message or and instant message. My dog knows how to get my attention, and she is the dumbest dog with Down syndrome that ever lived. Take notes from her. She stands in front of me, looks me square in the face and in her own dumb dog Down syndrome language tells me what she wants. To you and me it sounds like a bark, but that bark is filled with more emotion, compassion, and conviction than any email or text message or instant message that you have or ever will type or send in your life.

Don’t Let The Terrorists Win. Don’t send emails describing how terrorism is bad. Thus feeling vindicated that you have done something good and have let justice prevail. Form a fist with your two hands and have a little one on one personal contact with them. It will be more effective.