Look at all the Stupid People. Get a mirror,

Let me start by letting you know where I'm coming from, and in doing so I'll probably explain my position inadvertently. I'm a very logical person. I don't make rash decisions. Everything I believe is thought out to the umpteenth degree, and each belief of mine, is in my opinion, the only one that makes sense (otherwise I wouldn't hold it). In fact, that's part of my belief system - there's only one truth or answer for any given question.

Last night I wrote a rant dealing with moronic baby names. Last night I had a waking dream. I thought about a country full of people with misspelled names; a country full of people named after various household objects. Then I thought to myself how sad it would be to be one of these children. Then I thought it is not these moronic names that made me feel badly for these children. It was the fact that these children have moronic parents. A name can be changed, parents cannot. Then I thought about why are there so many stupid moronic parents and children. I knew that I had to do some research into why there were so many stupid parents and children. Why are morons in the majority? What happened to people like Winston Churchill, and Albert Einstein; where are their offspring. If we had more of these fantastic people and less of these morons we might turn this planet into a better place.

The theory of natural selection explains that as a species of any kind evolves, weaker members of that species will not survive. These weaknesses can be anything from not being able to outrun another species that views you as its next meal, to deciding to leave the oceans without bothering to evolve lungs.

Early man evolved and developed through the ability to adapt to his surroundings. One of the weaknesses of humans however was stupidity. This stupidity was to a greater extent kept in check by natural selection. If for example, a stupid human decided it would be a good idea to single handedly attack a Saber Toothed Tiger, the result would be that the human in question would learn the error of his ways shortly before his death. This was a good thing because it kept the number of stupid people low, and more importantly they didn't get the chance to add stupidity to the gene pool.

As the earth moved into the twentieth century, several changes happened that altered the ratio of stupid to non-stupid people on Earth. Arguably the greatest factor to bring about an increase in dim-witted people was the advances in medical treatment. Stupid people having accidents were now able to get treated more effectively for whatever mishap they ended up having. Stupid people were surviving to tell the tale, and more importantly they were going on to breed. Perhaps we should stop dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect. If, as some people believe, that stupidity is inherited genetically, then it becomes obvious, that there will be more stupid people with the passing of time.

There are still some people on Earth, who, in spite of the laws to protect them, actively try to exit the population. Each year the Darwin Awards chronicle those people, who have through their own idiocy reached the zenith of stupidity. This is a clear indication that if the protective laws were removed, the human population would return to a natural balance of one idiot per village.

Having a country full of stupid people benefits your intelligent people greatly. The government loves stupid people. Stupid people do not think for themselves. Do some research on Lemmings. Stupid people do what they are told. Stupid people don’t have the ability to think logically nor do they have the ability to think further ahead than the length of their penises. The government wants people just smart enough to run the machines and do the paper work. What they don't want are people capable of independent thought, because those people may start to realize how badly their getting corn holed.

Intelligent people in government and people in big business can hoodwink and bamboozle stupid people forever. Lawyers can make obscene amounts of money from stupid people. Just recall back to the lady who sued McDonalds for hot coffee. Stupid people will buy anything. If you doubt me then watch a late night infomercial. If infomercials were not making money then they would not be able to fund themselves.

The problem with stupid people is that they breed like rabbits. In fact stupid people breed so quickly that they don’t even wait till marriage. Some of them don’t even wait till they have a job, or any money, or even an education. It is proven, that as women's education level rises, birth rates go down. They don’t even wait till they are old enough to finish school to get an education. Not only do stupid people have children before they stop being children themselves but they have not only one child but very often a household of them. Now here is the real problem. The world only needs so many Wal-Mart greeters. Some of these moronic children work alongside their parents at these places. Wal-Mart greeters are not the same as intelligent people who strive to improve the planet. The planet will not improve no matter how many times you ask me if I want fries with that.

A friend of mine asked me if I might write a rant dealing with the question, why there are so many stupid people in government. I think by now that the reason is evident. When the planet is flooded with morons, and when there are more morons on the planet, logic suggests that more morons are going to get into government. Homer Simpson says: “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." Morons vote for morons. Stupid people have stupid brains that come up with stupid ideas. The ratio of stupid people to intelligent people is no longer one that favors the intelligent. We have allowed too many stupid people to breed and have too many stupid children.

If you are wondering how morons became the majority, I touched on this earlier; the answer is greed and the slow erosion of people’s common sense. I ask you since when does a coffee have to have a label on it informing us that it is hot, or a hair drying letting me know not to use it in the shower? This only benefits stupid people. Intelligent people know not to put themselves in dangerous situations, stupid people do not.

The government requires people to get a license before they drive a car. This would be because the government does not want people to inadvertently injure or kill other drivers or pedestrians. The insurance companies don’t care, they love accidents and injuries. We require people to have licenses to keep everyone safe. If we require a license for something as simple as driving a car, it would only be logical to have a license to have babies. The chance of injuring or killing a baby from unfit parenting is just as high. The stupid parents may not injure their child immediately but think of the greater ramifications. More stupid people require stupid jobs, if we are lucky they get jobs and as far as I am concerned Wal-Mart has enough stores and employees. How much money can we afford to give to welfare moms before all the money is gone?

We seem to cater to these morons. We seem to sugar-coat everything. No longer do children fail in school. You hear the elite and the politicians talking about education. Kids aren't making the grade, so you dumb down the schools and the children pass and everybody’s happy. Forget the fact that the IQ of the country drops a few more points. We are doing a disservice to the children in school. Telling the stupid parents that they have stupid children doesn’t help. Parents seem to think that it is the schools sole responsibility to raise their children.

Here is a great lyric that makes me laugh.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem; make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunken dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection.

-Lazy Boy

Stupid parents are devoid of teaching their stupid children anything. Stupid parents don’t even seem to have the ability to teach their children how to use birth control. I saw a YouTube video of a monkey putting a condom on a banana. Apparently monkeys are smarter than your average moron. This must be because stupid monkeys get eaten by smart predators. If parents were not so busy buying drugs they might buy the right pills and give them to their daughters. I say if a stupid moron is not even smart enough to keep themselves alive then perhaps it is not a life worth saving. If morons want to do drugs and die, great, if morons want to dry their hair in the shower, great. Let natural selection run its course. We need to reduce the population and weed out the morons. The planet is running out of the resources to sustain the population we have.

Here is another great lyric before I end my rant.

You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the Middle East.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

-Lazy Boy

Apparently Canada is not the only country filled full by morons.

Don’t let the terrorists win. Raise moron children to fight in a moronic war and become cannon fodder.

What is in a name?

Due to the fact that many of my close friends are having or have had babies and without a doubt will likely read this rant, I am sure that I am going to alienate and lose my friends. If my so called friends can’t get over it and accept me for whom I am then they are not really my friends anyways. This is my rant and it is for me. Be thankful we live in a free country were free speech is allowed. Also be thankful that we live in a society where we are encouraged to love our neighbor and forgive and forget. If you read this article and become unhappy then you are a hypocrite and a moron. Put on your sweater of love and understanding. Put on your water wings and get prepared. I am now unleashing the flood gates.

For years I've ranted about parents giving stupid baby names to their children. It's one of the reasons that certain people should not be permitted, by law, to procreate. Edmonton Journal featured an article on the top Alberta baby names for 2003. Titled Now who’d name their child Zxyrill? (good question, and a sad one at that), the article not only highlights stupid names, but the bizarre trend of parents to create variant spellings on a name, as if in doing so, they have bestowed some special individuality on their poor, unsuspecting child.

Examples from the article:

Aidan was chosen by the parents of 130 baby boys born in Alberta in 2003. Others chose Aaden, Adan, Aden, Adin, Adyn, Aedan, Aeden, Aedyn, Aiden, Aidin, Aidon, Aidyn, Aydan, Ayden, and Aydon.

Proud Alberta parents named 114 girls Abigail. Others went with Abbegale, Abbeygael, Abbigael, Abbigayle, Abbi-Gayle, Abbygail, Abbygale, Abigael, Abigale and Abigayle.

That sound you just heard was me, screaming. Sorry, hope I wasn't too loud. What's missing from these two lists are variations like Ehdin, A'dyn, Aaddinn, and Haidan, where the parents advise their poor kid that the "H" in his name is silent.

One boy in Alberta was named Connnor. Yes, there are three "n"s in his name. Another girl was named Lexus-Nykole. Among the baby names for boys, registered in Alberta in 2003: Blade (part vampire), Boston (where he was conceived), Caprice, Chaos, Coletrane (jazz fan?), D. (yes, with the period), Dee-Jay (radio fan?), Dilbert (likes the funnies?), Diesel (likes Vin?), Denzel (obvious), Ebenzer (is that a typo?), Exzavier (wanted to ensure correct pronunciation), Fox and Foxx (one's parents like Mulder, the other Redd), Freedom (Woodstock outtake), Frost, Genesis ("there must be some misunderstanding..."), H. (will he meet D. someday?), Hillary (this kid will get teased), Houston (will he meet Boston someday?), J.R., Jetli (martial arts fan?), Jonathn (typo?), Journey (did they ever tour with Genesis?), K.C. (also KC), (NOTE: The Ks have many bizarre variations on many names beginning with C), Lucky, Madeleine (he'll need to team up with Hillary), Man, Maxxam (palindrome), Memphis (ok, geothematic stuff happening here), Neo (Matrix fan?), Oblio (old Nillson fan? "Me and My Arrow..."), Ocean, Osama (er, um...), Ozzy (70s headbanger?), Pure (?), Phoenix (continuing with cities), River (perhaps he'll be in the same class as Ocean), Shady, Shooter, T. (ok, so maybe D., H., J.R., K.C., and T. will form a rock band called The Initials), Thunder, Tiger, Tolkien (could become friends with J.R.), Trigger (will become friends with Shooter), Wang (there was also a Chung, please, please let them become friends, too!), Xyler (what, Tyler isn't good enough?), Zyler (ok, you win).

More variant spelling examples: Braden: Bradyn, Braedan, Braeden, Braedon, Braedyn, Braiden, Braidin, Braidon, Brayden, Braydin, Braydon, BrayDyn. What, Braydan wasn't good enough? What about Breigh-Dann?

Among the baby names for girls, registered in Alberta in 2003: A., Arizona-Rayne, Babe, Bay-JA (my name is spelled capital b, small a, small y, hyphen, capital j, capital a), Becca (that had to happen, in addition to destroying spelling, parents are now chopping up names as well), Brie (name your kid after cheese?), Brooklyn (ok, when did naming a girl after an NYC borough become popular? And the variations? Migod... Brookelyn, Brooke-Lyn, Brooke-lyn, Brooke-Lynn, Brooke-lynne, Brooklin, BrookLyn, Brook-Lyn, Brook-lyn, Brooklynn, Brooklynne. They forgot Broocklinne), Charisma (no pressure on this kid), Charlize (nicely timed), Colby (another cheese), Desert (will have to date Ocean or River), Dwyshina, Dylynn (aghh!), Georga (another typo?), Ice (will be in contention with Desert to date River or Ocean), Island, Isabell'a (is that pronounced Isabell-AHHH?), J'dynn (a Klingon?), Jewelyanna, Jor-el (isn't that Superman's father's name?), Jythsaint (try saying that while eating crackers), Kennedy (and Kenadee, Kenady, Kenedy, Kennadi, Kennedi - shoot me now), Leaf, November (month she was conceived), Ocean (and Oceana, Oceanna, Océanne), Orielle-Floriane, Peris, Poetry, Prescious (are the parents named Gollum and Smeagol?), Promise, Rabeaca (if this is a variation on Rebecca, the others include: Rebbeca, Rebbecca, Rebecka, Rebeka, Rebekah, Rebekka, Rebekkah, and Rebeccaanne - spare a hyphen, maybe?), Sappho (are they expecting her to bat for the same team?), Sarah-Lee (future cake baker?), Shaquille (c'mon, she's a girl, dammit!), Sparrow (first thing the parents saw after leaving the teepee), Solaris, Storm, Sunshine (they must become friends), Swastika (oh-my-God; maybe she'll have it changed, or shortened to "Tika"), Teardrop, Ty'r (Klingon again?), White, and Zowie.

If you have made it this far I am extremely happy and excited. I am not even finished yet. I visited a website that was dedicated to baby names. At this website people could post comments and questions about baby names. Well here are the questions followed by the comments that I made. I sure hope that it helped the future parents.

C: What about Bubba for a boy. a great unusual name

A: Since when did your Ozark shack get Internet access? Or electricity, for that matter?

C: am 7 months pregnant, and I am having a boy. I think i'm going to name my son Kakinston ,, What do you think... ??

A:Besides sounding like a former Central Asian Soviet republic bordering Uzbekistan, it aids small bullies immensely starting the kid's name with KACK.

C: I named my first daughter Odessa and my second daughter Blaze and i have gotten wonderful comments from parents at school and work.

A: Could it be because all the parents at school and work are ALSO Louisiana strippers?

C: a person of Scottish descent, I am just curious - are all you ladies naming your daughters Mackenzie (or Mykenzie, or Makenzy,ect) out of some loyalty toScotland? Or perhaps just a love for haggis? Just curious.

A: Do you honestly think someone naming their daughter Makenzy could find Scotland on a map?

C:would like to know what is wrong with the name Lance.? my sons names is lance and he is very proud of it

A: Is a name something one is proud of? I'm proud of achievements, not of being bold enough to have a name. Hell, it's a bolder move to NOT have a name. But then again, with this person for a parent, Lance should be proud of any accomplishment he can find. Also the start of a great porno name.

C: I've looked at all these comments about people who hate certain spellings, pronunciations, and strategic placings, and I just don't know what to think. When my wife and I had our first daughter, I was lucky enough to name her after a word I fell in love with from middle school. Terra was the word, but I chose not to go with the spelling, and "Tara" didn't appeal to me. I choose Taira, and my wife chose Rose for her middle name. "A flower of the earth."

My second daughter, blessed be, was a bit tougher. Many months went by, and finally, at Thanksgiving dinner, my mother suggested a name from Pippi Longstocking. With a few changes, we came up with Onika Marie. ...It's what special about these names that keep them alive. Would we ever think about changing their names? Not in a heartbeat. That'll be their decision in the future. We're just a guiding light.

A:"A flower of the earth." As opposed to those flowers that grow out in space. God, I hate Wiccans sometimes.

Oh yeah, and special names keep the kids alive, apparently. How do you go from Pippi Longstocking to Onika Marie with a few changes? If a few you mean erase the entire name a begin anew. Moron

C: I am having a girl in March. Name is going to be Kali. Can't decide on middle name.

A: Isn't Kali some sort of Hindu underworld deity? A+ on research

C: I like the name Jayden for a girl and Jaden for a boy. I'm also thinking of other bisexual names.

A: To easy, this child is going to be an Emo, that reminds me of another three letter word, but let us try Fayden.

I do hope my above rant is self explanatory. Just in case it is not then I ask the following. Please stop naming your child after random objects. Please stop trying to defy the laws of English. Please stop trying to be creative. Are people playing spin the bottle, whatever the bottle is pointing at is what they name their child? Have parents forgot what it is like to be a child. Don’t put your child through a lifetime of ridicule. You are not being trendy or creative. You are being stupid, don’t worry if you are not present to prove this your child’s name will do it for you. As a side note running spell check on this rant was impossible.

Don’t let the terrorists win. Name your child T’rrist, Tearorst, Teroarst, Tear-roar-est, Sorry but I have to say it, Fuck me.

I need that drug, I think.

I unfortunately watch too much TV. After my twenty nine years of TV viewing, I have noticed something that I find terribly interesting. I have a question that needs answering. No doubt that the answer has to do with money. I am lucky enough to have satellite TV with a receiver that has the ability to fast forward through commercials on recorded TV. With this capability I am able to avoid most of the commercials that are peppered throughout all of my TV shows.

Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.
- Lazy Boy

One of my favourite bands wrote that lyric. He sure hit the nail on the head with that one. The question I have is this.

Why are prescription drugs advertised on Television?

I would like to think that I do not have to go to my doctor and tell him what drugs I need for my illnesses. Is my assumption that a doctor is more intelligent in concerns related to the medical field of drugs than the average person, be incorrect? Did my doctor not go to school? Does he not have a medical degree? I am sure that in his seven years of schooling that he might have taken a class or two that would help him in diagnosing and curing patients. I would also imagine that he would keep current with the newest drugs and medical procedures. I have no doubt that he might receive a doctor’s magazine or other such literature that would keep him updated. Teachers, real estate agents, and even farmers have to continually update their knowledge to stay accredited. I would like to think that doctors do as well. The idea that a doctor has to watch TV in order to learn about the newest drugs is absolutely asinine. Do I now need to ask my doctor how much TV he watches a day in order to discover how up to day he is?

I have always been a firm believer that a person should always learn about and gain as much information they can before making a purchase. If I was to buy a new TV I would do as much research on the newest styles of TV's and technology before I even walked into a store. Buying a TV and diagnosing and deciding on a treatment for health conditions are two vastly different things. People do not go to school for seven years before they buy a TV. People do not buy TV's every day. A doctor diagnoses and chooses among treatments for patients on an hourly basis for years. There is no doubt in my mind that a person could do enough research that they would surpass a doctor's knowledge in the medical field. Keep in mind that everyone thinks that they are the world’s smartest person. Really, your average person is a moron. If you don't realize that you are a moron then compare yourself to Bill Gates. Guess what you lost that comparison, moron. I don't believe that the average person has the intelligence or the ability to take charge of their own health care decisions. I mean your health is the most important thing. Most people can't even take charge of their own finances or change the oil in their own vehicle, and let us not forget the average person's inability to properly raise a child.

The problem with such "direct-to-consumer," or DTC, advertisements is that they may generate excessive demand because people go straight to their doctors asking for this or that specific medication. In a 2006 survey by our National Survey Research Center, 78 percent of doctors said that patients asked them at least occasionally to prescribe drugs they had seen advertised on television. My thought is they must have flipped the channel before they heard the soothing voice list off all the side effects for these drugs. I mean why in the world would I; take a drug that has a side effect worse than my original illness. If I have restless leg syndrome, which only 3% of people have, and take one of these drugs I do not think that relief from my restless legs in exchange for anal leakage as being a good trade off. One of the newest ads that I have seen for restless leg syndrome has the side effects of uncontrolled sexual or gambling impulses. The uncontrollable sexual impulse I could deal with, assuming my wife is up for the challenge. Gambling losses could leave me broke and unable to purchase my medicine. Perhaps the drug companies might want to rethink that one.

Direct-to-consumer advertising has become a popular promotional tool. In 2006 alone, prescription drug manufacturers spent almost $2.6 billion on this type of advertising. If you are wondering why they are able to spend so much money on these ads and still be able to turn a profit, then let me tell you. You are morons. Your lemming like behaviour only further puts money in their Armony suit pockets. Every single person runs at a speed that would challenge land speed records every time they sneeze or cough. This type of advertising not only inspires you morons into purchasing their drugs but it also unknowingly to your average moron, you, puts the hint of fear in you. I remember my grandfather telling me that he only went to the doctors when he was on his death bed, not because he sneezed. People claim that we don't have enough doctors. If doctor’s offices were not packed to the rafters with near to death sneezing victims then with people who were actually ill might be able to see a doctor in a reasonable amount of time. If surgeons were not busy with Paris Hilton wanna-be's they might have more time to fix people who were actually in need of medical attention. I have worked as a salesman long enough to know that your average person is not only moronic but also persistent. A Canadian doctor was quoted as saying "Some people are very insistent on it, because they've heard about it through an ad, or seen it in a magazine. And they feel hard done by if you say the really tough word: No." You average consumer is more interested in getting what they want than in being correct. My fellow salesmen and I, on more than a hundred times gave into the consumer, knowing full well that the consumer was only Fu, I made a promise that I would not use that word anymore, that the consumer was only shooting themselves in the foot. No, that doesn't sound right. That the consumer was shoving a CN tower sized butt plug up their ass that was destined to explode with the force of a Nuclear weapon. When a show such as that is available to watch not even a doctor could say no.

One thing that these DTC drug ads let me know is there is a pill that will fix my acid reflux, or anxiety, or depression, or any other such minor ailment. Instead of popping a pill to relieve your acid reflux why not just alter your diet. If you are depressed but not suicidal join the club. Instead of trying to fix the problem with practical solutions you morons always seem to pop a pill to solve the problem. I think we live in a drug society. I have a headache my kid is screaming, think I will pop a pill and rid myself of the headache, let the kid scream. I am depressed because my house is a mess and my kid is screaming, think I will pop a pill to be happy and leave the house a mess, and let the kid scream. I can't sleep at night because my kid is screaming and the mice are making too much noise because they are eating the garbage around the house, think I will pop a sleeping pill and let my kid scream and allow the mice to keep eating. I hope I made my point. It is far easier to take a pill to fix my problem than it is to actually fix the problem. Our doctors not only have to fix our ailments but they also have to be life coaches and mothers to us all. I have to wait in the doctor’s waiting room not only because you sneezed and are freaking out, like a little bitch, but also because you have to tell the doctor your life story in hopes that the doctor has a solution to your work problems or car problems. I think that doctors have enough to worry about and enough to do then to be life coaches for your sorry ass. They should not have to say "No, you cannot have that drug you don't need it. You headache will go away when your baby stops crying. So change his diaper and get on with your day." You doctor is an expert in the medical field. If he feels you need a drug or need to change the drugs that are already taking, I am sure he will let you know. He does not need your peanut gallery, backseat driving, tid-bits of useless incoherent, imprecise, inaccurate, misunderstood, medical advice to prescribe you with the proper treatment for your mentally made up malady. Don't pee on your doctor’s leg and tell him it is raining. He can figure out these things on his own. He is the smart person you’re the moron. The quicker you get that thorough your thick head the better.

Increased drug advertising will lead to increased prescribing and increased costs to the healthcare system. "The biggest increase in healthcare costs has been drugs. I think that consumer-driven demand for it will make that figure much bigger," says Vancouver doctor John Mail. Perhaps our government should stop giving themselves raises (keep in mind you bitches voted them in) and start giving themselves pay cuts to help pay for the ever increasing health care costs. Or better yet start educating your average person. Stop training them to be Lemmings. The attitude of consume, consume, consume is not working for planet earth. There is no doubt that there is enough money to pay for health care, it is just not being paid for by the right people. When I say people I also include corporations. I fail to see why someone who owns a ten million dollar home, and vacations in Paris does not pay through the teeth for health care tax. As I have said before the rich pay none of the taxes and do none of the work, while the poor and middle class pay all the taxes and do all the work. We should just get rid of the monetary system all together and think of a new idea. This is for another rant.

As many Canadians enter rehabilitation centers for prescription drug abuse as for ecstasy, cocaine/crack, methamphetamine, and heroin addictions, according to a recent study from the Partnership for a Drug-Free Canada. Too many people have dangerously casual attitudes toward legal medications. For the general public, TV advertising makes use of these drugs seem like an everyday convenience rather than an important decision worthy of serious consideration. Except for New Zealand, no other country in the world allows manufacturers to market prescription drugs directly to consumers. And Americans think they are better than New Zealander's. I can only hope that our health care system is not paying for rehabilitation costs. I think that drug companies should be forced to pay for a percentage of the costs of rehabilitation costs. Although there is little doubt that they would only pass on the expense to the consumer. I think that is also criminal and a little too convenient. Owners of baseball teams and hockey teams put a cap on player’s salaries, no doubt so that owners could put more money in their own pockets. Perhaps this salary cap is a good idea just not implemented properly. How about a cap on drug companies net profits; why stop at drug companies we should put this cap on Wal-Mart or any other such company. All over flow above the cap is put directly into minimizing their environmental impact, or into finding a cure for some terrible disease. Once again this is for another rant.

I am going to try to sum up this vast rant in a few paragraphs.

Prescription drug advertising pressures health professionals to prescribe particular medications, and often the ones that may be less effective and more expensive and dangerous. This intrudes in the relationship between medical professionals and patients, and disrupts the therapeutic process. It takes up valuable time to explain to patients why they may have been misled by the drug advertisements they have seen.

Prescription drug advertising is not educational. It is inherently misleading because it features emotional imagery and omits crucial information about drugs and their proper use, as well as about side effects and contraindications that can be found on the full legally approved label. Drug companies have an inherent and irredeemable financial conflict-of-interest which drives them to exaggerate the positive and minimize the negative qualities of their own products.

At a minimum, direct-to-consumer prescription drug advertising should not exist unless accompanied by the full legally approved label. Nor should drug ads be allowed to display imagery that is primarily emotional and not educational. Drug ads on TV and radio should be prohibited because they cannot meet this standard for truthfulness.

I think that sums it up. I should not forget the most important part of this rant, the part where I talk about you being a moron. Dumb ideas come from people with dumb drains.

Don't let the terrorists win. Stop funding terrorists by buying into drug ad propaganda.

The face of a dead rat tells no lies.

A good friend of mine found it interesting that I would post pictures of a cat playing with a dead rat. I think that he meant interesting in terms of being odd or even disturbing. Perhaps it is odd only because many people have not seen pictures such as these. I find them neither disturbing or odd.

I wonder if it is the picture that we find disturbing or if it is the act in which it depicts that is disturbing.

When I go to the grocery store and look for a roast for dinner, or bacon for breakfast I would be excited. If I was to visit the slaughter house and watch the cow or pig being butchered I know for damn sure that I would be disturbed for many days afterwards. Do the people who work at these slaughter houses have trouble sleeping at night? When I watch the animal channel on TV and watch a lion stalk and kill its prey I always cringe and feel sad and anxious. Do you think that the lion feels sad and disturbed as its teeth sink into the flesh of its prey?

I am disappointed with the human race. We are capable of doing many horrific acts. We have many evil thoughts. We act upon these evil thoughts. When we act upon these evil thoughts we claim them not to be evil. We justify these acts by saying that we are doing them in the name of something just. We kill and slaughter animals because we are hungry, we shoot each other in the name of safety and freedom, we murder criminals in the name of justice and safety. We hide and mask our evil actions behind a cloak of lies and grey truths.

I look upon animals such as cats, lions, crocodiles, and other predators with respect. Never once have I seen any of these creatures try to mask or hide their actions. They do not feel the need to justify their actions with some higher reasoning. Humans claim to be better than animals. I fail to see that. Humans are simply higher up on the food chain.

Scientists claim that animals are purely instinctual creatures while humans are not. I will agree that I have self control over most of my instincts. If I walk past someone I do not like, I do not automatically swing that them. When my dog walks past my cat, my poor dog is subjected to a pummeling. My dog does not fight back. I am not trying to disprove science or scientists. I am sure what they say is correct.

I would like to think that no matter how angry I get that I would not kill someone or beat them until they are unrecognizable. I have no doubt that my family of cats that live outside would not be able to have that kind of self control. There are many criminal court cases that involve revenge killings. A mother who kills her sons killer is tried for murder herself. She no doubt lost control over her instincts.

We punish others who lose or cannot control their dark animal side. We kill thousands of people in a war. We torture each other to gain intelligence. We cage each other. We perform capital punishment. If we can justify our actions and claim that they are done through logic and intelligent thought and not because we let our animal side out then everything is alright.

I do not write this rant asking people to stop eating meat. I do not write this rant asking people to stop fighting a war. I do not write this rant asking to stop capital punishment.

I am simply wondering why we claim to be better than animals. We claim that we are honest, peaceful, and loving. We claim that the sanctity of life is important to us.

I am simply saying that the human race is lustful, gluttonous, greedy, lazy, vindictive, jealous, and vain. If this sounds familiar to you Christians it should. Everyone of us has committed one of these sins. If you disagree with me than you are a bigger moron and lier than I originally thought.

The human race strives to have purity of soul, to have self-restraint, to be giving, to have forgiveness, to be diligent, to be kind and have humility. If this sounds familiar to you Christians it should. If you claim to have these virtues that you are bigger moron and lier than I originally thought.

Not one human has not committed one of the deadly sins at some point in their lives. Not one human has continuously achieved all of the virtues all of their life. I am simply asking the human race to be honest with itself and strive to become better. I ask that we do not mask our evil deed with lies and deceit. I am a religious person, and I ask God everyday to help me to become a better person. I ask him to give me the strength and understanding to prevent me from committing sin. I ask God to help me to be virtuous in my daily life.

Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal, do not lie these are principles that every man of every faith can embrace.

"To a superior race of being the pretensions of mankind to extraordinary sanctity and virtue must seem... ridiculous.” - William Hazlitt

"Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen, that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways that we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it. You know why? Cause chickens are decent people." - George Carlin

This is yet another one of my rants that I think I could have written better. I don't think that I made my point very clear. I suppose the following sentences sum up my point. If we kill, hurt or injure people intentionally then do not lie about it and claim that we are good people. Do not lie about our indiscretions and evil acts and claim that they are for the greater good. Do not lie to others, especially ourselves. Acknowledge our evils and be diligent in trying to stop them as quickly as possible. Do not bend and manipulate the truth in order to mask our evils. Be honest with each other and ourselves, the human race is evil.

One final quote that brings a tear to my eye.

"Our society has moved from a culture that values sanctity of life to one that values quality of life."

Terrorism in the modern sense is violence or other harmful acts committed or threatened against civilians for political or other ideological goals. That describes everyones actions, everyone that is human.

Do not let the terrorists win. Kill them and tell the world it is because we are instinctual creatures, full of lust, greed, laziness, and hate.

I hope YOUS enjoy this.

It's not that I get appalled when I hear someone butcher the English language. It's more like every fucking bone inside me writhes in pain. I'm not like normal people. I've come to accept that about myself. It's something I've worked on internally for many years. But sometimes I kid myself into thinking that I've got it under control and can safely reenter the world as a functioning member of society.

I am sure many morons are thinking that proper English and grammar are not that important. If you think this, you are wrong. Let me try to explain in some sort of detail that people will understand.

If a person claimed that 2+2=5, you would correct them in an instant. Why is it more socially acceptable to correct Math than English? Grammar DOES matter. Grammar is a standard for communication. Try ignoring any other standard and see what happens. Lousy grammar is not confined to speech and, in my mind at least, compromises the credibility of a business when it appears in printed materials, signs or flyers. Yes, even for a humble pizza joint or any sort of store, it makes me doubt the management’s intelligence and attention to detail. I think the reason people get up in arms about spelling and punctuation is that it demonstrates attention to detail and dedication to one’s work. I think there is something in this, as many of our greatest achievements result not from intelligence and creativity alone, but in combination with diligence and focus on detail.

I enjoy watching Judge Judy. In many of these episodes a dark person is often heard saying the word axed. Every time I hear this I think that the case must be an assault case. I think they used an ax and hit the person with it, this is not the case. They actually intended to say the word asked. I did not realize that the word asked was so difficult to say. Perhaps they are not physically capable of saying the word. The next time I see one of these people I will be sure to ax them.

We was... when typed like this" Wewas" is sounds like some sort of cute cuddly bear or it reminds me of Chewie from Star Wars. A "Wewas" is not a bear it is two words. The two words are not supposed to be put together. When mental retards say Wewas I only laugh and think to myself what a funny gibble. But when a regular person says Wewas I want to beat the shit out of them. A person in the government was actually heard say these two words together. Don't forget you are the fuckers that voted them in.

A simile is a comparison of two unlike things, typically marked by use of the word like. You would be surprised at how many young people today are poets. These genetically defective fucks seem to play a game in which they compete against each other to see who can use the word like as many times in a sentence. It usually seems to occur more often in young teenage blonde girls. Unless you are trying to draw a comparison do not use this word.

He goes, she goes, every time I hear this I goes ape shit. Unless he or she actually moves their lard ass from one spot to another spot, he does not go and she does not go. I think what you want to say is He said and she said. Goes and said mean totally different things. You are confusing people. This sort of shit is annoying. In order for me to understand you I have to buy a secret decoder ring to decode what you are trying to say. I don’t have the time or the inclination to do this. So stop that shit.

I am always happy to hear that people “Don’t got none”. I say this because if you don’t have none that means you have some. Some is what I want. Therefore when I ask for a diet Coke and you tell me you Don’t got none I think that you are saying you have some. Only real fucktards say this crap. If you feel that you are a fucktard please keep saying Don’t got none. Any person who has failed remedial math at least twice will tell you that two negatives equal a positive.

Although widely disapproved as nonstandard and more common in the habitual speech of the less educated, that is correct, LESS EDUCATED , ain't is flourishing in American English. It is used in both speech and writing to catch attention and to gain emphasis. When I hear the word ain’t, it does catch my attention, and it does emphasis to me what an uneducated moron you are. Using this word does nothing but inform me of how much of a taint you are. If you are an uneducated taint, please continue to use the word.

I was watching a design show on HGTV. The designer said she had “preprimed” the dresser. Yes, this stuff makes my eyeballs ache. Preplan, predrill, preprime, preboard, preheat are all redundancies and I get weary of hearing them all the time. People seem to think putting “pre” in front of any word gives it more importance or urgency. On the cooking channel I always hear the person tell me to preheat the oven. How does a person preboard a plane, either you get on the plane or you don’t. You either drill a hole or you don’t. This obsession with the word pre is getting to be some sort of prefetish. Unless you are some sort of pre perverted person stop pre-ing and say what you mean.

In my experience an awful lot of people who appear to know a great deal of stuff, are in fact complete idiots who haven’t really got a clue what they’re talking about nor the ability to say it properly. In days gone by these people wouldn’t even have a job, and the fact that they have today explains a lot about what’s wrong with the world. Why is it so wrong to strive to become better at speaking and writing the English language? I want people to point out my grammatical mistakes so I can learn and grow as a person. Why has this become a negative in our society? I don’t feel that uneducated people speak and write poorly, I think that stagnate and lazy people write and speak poorly. Although, being lazy and stagnate seems to go hand in hand with the uneducated.

Don’t let the terrorists win. If they can speak English better than we can, we are going to give them the impression that we are morons.

There Is More To Being A Teacher Than You Think

I found this blog while I was surfing the net this morning. I found that it has done a fairly decent job of describing the trials and tribulations that a teacher goes through.

Teachers are supposed to be dedicated individuals, devoted to giving more than they receive. Teaching is an unsung “profession.” “Public servants” are expected to go the extra yard, tutor “students” after school to prep them to pass standardized tests, and “voluntarily” agree to do other activities like chaperone a school dance, organize a school assembly, give an in-school workshop or plan and moderate a spelling bee for gratis.
Twenty-eight times during my teaching career I accompanied eighth grade classes to Washington DC, to Williamsburg and to Luray Caverns, Virginia working two eighteen hour days without receiving any additional remuneration. These “professional” extras come with the territory.
Teachers are expected to go above and beyond the call of duty. That means beyond the “unprofessional” responsibilities of cafeteria duty, early morning duty, office detention duty and monitoring the halls and bathrooms between classes duty. In education, “duty” means teacher exploitation by administrations and boards of education. “Duties” have little or nothing to do with education, and they are things that aides or parent’ volunteers could easily perform with little on-the-job training. Duties require little professional ability, and they are a major factor in keeping today’s teachers unprofessional and subordinate to administrative fiat.
Faculty members must set good examples for the students by demonstrating the spirit of self-sacrifice for the good of the school and the betterment of the community. Administrators always emphasize to teachers, “Doing extra is part of your professional responsibility,” they lecture at faculty meetings. “Now we still need three more teachers to volunteer for the Six-Flags’ Great Adventure’ trip. You’ll be getting back at eight p.m. Friday night. That’s not too bad. And we need another volunteer for the after school volleyball program and two more chaperones for the Halloween Dance.”
First of all, let’s get the record straight. Teachers are not professional people. They are school employees who are usually only told by administrators that they are professional when something extra or something unprofessional (a duty) needs to be done. Public School instructors follow administrative orders just like janitors, school secretaries, cafeteria workers and aides do. Faculty members have little choice in matters when assigned to extra non-paying unprofessional duties or administratively arranged professional expectations (Parent Conference Nights, before and after school boring faculty meetings and grade-level or department meetings, curriculum revision meetings, etc.). Teachers are generally treated like employees and not like they are genuine professional people.
Let’s cut to the chase here. A real professional person like a good doctor or a successful lawyer makes over a hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year. By that economic standard, not even school administrators are professional people. True professional people are autonomous. They answer to their own consciences and to nothing else. They work for themselves is their own medical, law and pharmacy’ practices. They are independent of administrative fiat. They don’t have nor need administrators and supervisors telling them what to do or how to do it. In public schools, teachers must always be above and beyond the call of unprofessional duty.
When teachers openly challenge administrative edicts, they are labeled insubordinate. Someone please explain to me how a true professional person could be insubordinate! Is there a doctor in the house? Are public schools military bases?
What has always staggered me the most about being a teacher is that every citizen in the community happens to think that he or she is an expert on what a teacher does for a living. Everyone thinks he or she is your boss. And when a teacher happens to talk with members of the community, people instinctively know exactly how you must execute your professional life and they fill your ears with precisely what is wrong with public schools. The taxpayer is right because he or she pays the freight for public education.
Teachers are unprofessional because their vital missions are subordinated to school board members, to administrators, to parents and to the court of public opinion (the frugal taxpayers, many who are also parents).
Why don’t the educational “community experts” (taxpayers) prescribe their own medicines, formulate their own pills, file their own legal briefs, defend himself or herself against the IRS, operate on each other, or perform brain surgery on other citizens in the community? I’ll tell you why! It is because true professional people do those services for them. Employees (teachers) must enact what their bosses (administrators) say they should do.
So, the teacher must try to please everyone. It is very difficult to be an independent professional having strong convictions that reflect individuality. A teacher possessing those qualities stands out from everyone else on the faculty if his or her ideas are distinct and contrary to dictatorial administrative directives.
A teacher that is tough on kids and makes them work hard, or one who bluntly answers parental grievances about how he or she handled a “student” in a given situation, is not supposed to vigorously defend himself or herself during a parent requested’ conference. Administrators want teachers to placate hostile parents and concede to their demands. When the boat rocks, the officers up on the bridge (the administrators) feel the most swaying.
The irate parent often comes into the building fuming about something “insensitive” you had said to their “child.” He or she does not want to discuss the “student’s” performance in class or the “student’s” academic progress in school. That parent will magnify one event (let’s say sternly disciplining their offspring) and want the teacher disciplined by the administrators, who often wind-up doing exactly what the petulant parent desires. Some parents are so blinded by philoprogenitiveness that they will attempt to vilify, indict and “fire” a teacher in order to protect the errant behavior their precious son or daughter exhibits in class.
These concerned “parents” and “taxpayers” really don’t care about the 10,000 wonderful things a teacher has done in his career. That teacher is only as good as the last thing he or she has done to upset the “student’ and his or her parent.
The customer (the boss, the parent, the expert taxpayer) is always right, and the teacher is usually wrong if he defends himself too aggressively against the accusations of belligerent parents who appeal their grievances to accommodating school’ administrators.
Administrators are like water; they generally take the path of least resistance. If a conflict arises between a parent and a teacher, the professional person (teacher) must soothe, pacify and satisfy the irate complainer. Administrators are quite aware that teachers are mere employees that can be manipulated or coerced into concession out of fear of job loss, of being punished by teaching different and unfamiliar subjects, or fear of having salary increments withheld because of insubordination.
I don’t believe or think that real professionals have to worry about losing their employment or their salary increments. This is another reason why teachers are not bona fide professionals. Do doctors or lawyers have to worry about being insubordinate? Teachers are indoctrinated by school authorities that administrative orders must be obeyed and that friction with bad-tempered parents must be avoided for the sake of school tranquillity and community harmony. If any faculty member fails to follow management’s mandates, then they are acting unprofessionally.
Does authentic academic freedom exist today in public schools? I don’t think so. That evasive reality will not happen until teachers become true professionals, not in terms of professional incomes, but in terms of professional autonomy. They must escape the obsolete factory-manufacturing model of nineteenth century factory management- (administrators) employee- (teachers) product- (students) mentality that has dominated public school education for the past hundred years since the introduction of the Industrial Revolution. That archaic “factory’ business model” must be dismantled, redesigned and renovated. Teachers need more voice and power in school management to ascend to the distinction of professional persons.
How can the public assist in making teachers feel as if they are appreciated professionals? That’s easy. Respect what teachers do in the classroom. Don’t base your opinion of a teacher on one unfavorable incident and ignore five hundred positive experiences a particular child had in an instructor’s classroom.
Teachers have bad days, too. Parents should not treat classroom educators as if they are their employees because property owners happen to pay taxes just like teachers do. And finally, taxpayers and parents should not act like they know more about education than teachers do. The job is not half as easy as the public thinks.

John Wiessner
(Jay Dubya)
Copyright-The Hammonton (New Jersey)Gazette
August 29, 2001 edition

A Ginger Ale that sparks reflection.

This new rant came to me as I was drinking Ginger Ale. I have a habit of drinking Ginger Ale when I am not feeling well. It is not just any Ginger Ale that has a soothing effect on me, it has to be a specific brand. Canada Dry is my preference.

As I was enjoying the sweet bubbles in my mouth I looked at the can that it came from and saw the word Canada. Surprisingly enough the sport of Hockey did not even enter my mind. I was not thinking about activities, food, or Lumber jacks. I was thinking even deeper.

I know full well that the culture of a country evolves over time. But I do like to think that no matter how much evolution occurs a hint of it's roots still linger.

"...freedom, freedom in every sense of the term, freedom of speech, freedom of action, freedom in religious and civil life, and last but not least, freedom in commercial life."

For some 80 years after those words were spoken by Wilfreid Laurier in 1894, they were considered self-evident by nearly everyone in Canada. Motherhood statements.

I sit here and feel sad for my parents and grandparents. They grew up in a different Canada then the one I did. They grew up in a time where children were strapped at school, where children did not talk back to their elders. They grew up during an era of war and depression. During those times there was a real sense of values and culture. I feel that we do not have the same values and culture today. Your grandfather did not die in WWII so some Arab or Chinese person could change Merry Christmas to Happy Holidays. Nor did they die so some immigrant could dishonour the Royal Mounted Police by wearing a towel on their head instead of the proper Stetson hat.

I am proud to be Canadian. I loved the freedoms we use to have. I can vote, I can speak freely, I can attend school, I can wear what I please, I have a lot of freedoms. Many other countries do not have the same freedoms that we enjoy here in Canada. I have to thank and remember the people who made this possible. Many of the people who made this possible are dead. We need to thank them by continuing on in life using the values that they fought for.

Canada is a nation where every individual has freedom; freedom of conscience, freedom of religion, freedom of thought, freedom of belief, freedom of expression, freedom of the press and of other media of communication, freedom of peaceful assembly, freedom of speech, and freedom of association just to name a few. Sadly these freedoms are not all what they appear to be. No individual in this country of Canada has the full fledged freedom, and it can be argued that the only time that these freedoms actually do exist is when it benefits the corporations, individuals belonging to corporations, and government and its officials. Whenever any individual attempts to use their freedoms in some form, and if corporate/governmental officials deem it to be some kind of threat towards them or the individuals within their institutions, these freedoms seem to vanish.

In September 1996 Wal-Mart Canada, like its parent company in the U.S., refuses to sell the eponymous CD, Sheryl Crow, by the Grammy-winning artist. The album includes an anti-violence song that criticizes Wal-Mart for selling guns.

In May 1997, Based on a complaint from a caller to an open-line radio show in February, Winnipeg police order the Winnipeg Public Library to remove Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Sexual Fantasies, by Nancy Friday, or face criminal charges if it remains. The book has been in the collection since it was published by Simon & Schuster in 1991, and was a Canadian best-seller in 1993.

September 11 is being invoked as a kind of magic incantation to stifle debate, disparage critical analysis and persuade us that we suddenly live in a new world where the old rules cannot apply. Freedom of speech, of thought, of association, to name just a few, are grounded in the idea that we have a private sphere of thought and action that is our business and nobody else's -- not our neighbors', not our employers', not some telemarketer's, and certainly not the state's. In Canada today that fundamental human right is under unprecedented assault.

The cost of Canada's unpopular and unnecessary gun registry was supposed to be $2 million. Instead it has ballooned to over $1 billion, mostly boondoggle and patronage. Gary Webster, its former head, piled up more than $209,000 in travel and hotel bills commuting between Edmonton and Ottawa over two years. He still has a senior government position.

Christians say publicly that they disapprove of homosexual behavior because the Bible declares it to be immoral, then that is “promoting hatred”. If they quote medical statistics about the HIV infection rates of homosexual men, that is “promoting hatred”. If they object to their children being indoctrinated in kindergarten class with information about homosexuality, they are hateful people.

Homosexual activists have denounced three Calgary based websites to the Alberta and Federal Human Rights Commissions, demanding that the sites which post information critical of homosexual behaviour be shut down.Homosexual activists in Alberta have targeted these websites run by Craig Chandler, a Canadian conservative and talk-radio host. Explain to me how we are not pissed at the Homosexuals for trying to trample on Chandler's right to free speech?

Why is it that when a Gay Parade takes place everyone cheers? Why is it that during the Carabana parade people come by the thousands to enjoy? If I was to have a straight white parade would people cheer and clap as loudly? Hell no. I would be accused of being a Nazi, an Asshole, a hate monger and no doubt many other terms. Why is this? Is it so wrong to be straight and white? Just like I have mentioned above, if my freedom infringes upon what I like to think of as a specialty group then my freedom is taken away.

Why do we condemn a nation of Iraq's and Afgan's and other Eastern country for the actions of only a few? Why do we feel the need to impose upon other countries our "freedoms."

I once again have done a poor job of expressing my feelings and ideas. I leave you with a question that hopefully you ask yourself.

Do you know that we are a free Canadian Culture or do you feel that you are told we are a free Canadian culture?

I am tired of hearing that we are a multicultural society. We are not. We are a Canadian Cultural Society.

Don't let the terrorists win.... bring back our lost freedoms and our Canadian values. Don't let them change our social customs.

Bad Food, Bad Service. Let's dine out.

This rant was inspired by two contributing factors. The first being my craptastic dining experience over the weekend. The second being my unwavering hatred towards cookie cutter restaurants.

It is like playing Russian roulette when going out for supper. Some restaurants will poison you, others will give you shitty service, others will give you shitty food, others will wow you with all three. It seems that every restaurant that I walk into now a day is the same. Oh sure, they have different signs, and different locations, but their differences end there. Every restaurant seems to be a road house. If you disagree, then if only confirms my long held belief that you are and idiot with very little observational skills. Let me enlighten you.

When a person walks into one of these places we are all greeted by what seems to be the same "eye candy" of a girl. They all seem to be pissed at you for disturbing their conversation with their friend. No doubt that all hostesses are having the same mundane conversation at all of these restaurants. When a person walks in, they give you a look as if to say "Hey fucker, your disturbing me and my conversation." You get the same robotic question, "How many are in your party?" Why the hell can't they say something such as, "Thank you for coming to XYZ restaurant, I am Tiffany, how many are in your party this evening?" Instead they grab the menu and scurry off at a pace that would shock most Olympians. The only thing that should be scurrying is the mice that live in the kitchen. After you bump, trip and stumble through the poorly arranged table and chair combinations as quickly as you can you meet the grim faced hostess at what can only be described as the worst table in the restaurant. Once there you plop yourself into either one hell of an over-sized booth or an undersized wooden chair. If you don't get a booth be prepared for a wonderful experience of what I can only call bumper chairs. This game involves every person who walks past you bumping your chair and every waitress has to come within inches of dumping something on you. Half the time the booth is so long that you have to do some sort of Michael Jackson ass slide moon walk just to get somewhere away from the edge. The fact that most of them are either as hard as a church pew or as soft as some Sheik's Harem pillow that you just know that either you’re in for a bum numbing experience or fellow table dwellers are going to have to excavate you from your location. Both of these are only a prelude to what is coming your way. Once seated the hostess disappears better than David Copperfield at one of his shows. Why the hell can't the hostess tell me the specials or lie to me and tell me what her favorite dish is and why. It is her job to build the excitement within the customer. These stupid bitches are supposed to set the mood for all diners. Fire these dim witted girls and hire ex- strippers. Strippers know how to build some excitement. They know how to make a customer feel welcome and happy. Shit, if you are lucky you might even get a reach around. Get your dirty mind out of the gutter. I am trying to draw a comparison. You sick fuck. I know within seconds of walking in the door and seeing the hostess if my experience is going to justify the small fortune I am going to have to pay. The hostess should be planting seeds and ideas in my mind such as desserts, wines, and appetizers. This is also the waitress’s job; my ideas on the waitress come later.

The table you are seated at is always so greasy that it can double not only as a table but also a slip and slip for midgets. If you are lucky enough you might even dine at a restaurant that covers its table tops with what can only be describe as a sister to the wax paper that doctor’s use on their examination tables. Most of the time this paper table cover is accompanied with crayons. Personally, I stopped using these stupid things when I finished public school. Perhaps they feel that children need something to do when they come to a restaurant. Guess what, I don't give a fuck. I don't come to a restaurant to play with art supplies. I have to suffer with this shit because parents don't know how to control or parent their children. That is for another rant. In short get the God damn art supplies of my supper table. Why can't the hostesses or waitress or the self important manager clean off the greasy table and menus. I said clean, not wipe off the table and menu. Using some dirty, smelly rag to wipe things off does not make them clean. I don't use the same square of toilet paper to continuously wipe my ass. This does not make anything clean. Use some soap and fricken water. Do not insist on wiping the table after I have been seated at it. That fucken pisses me off. Instead of talking to your friends you should be cleaning the tables before people sit at them. Holy shit, that is a marvelous idea. When you do wipe the tables off don't use vinegar or some other smelly liquid. I am sitting at the table and you wipe it with vinegar and now I have the sudden urge to eat French fries. Stop that shit.

Now that I am seated, I have to contend with the menu. Every time I see the waitress or hostess carrying a menu, I am reminded of the scene in The Ten Commandments when Moses walks down from the mountain carrying the two tablets. Why the fuck do they have to be so big. I mean these damn things are huge. They also have three or four pages in them. When I want to view the contents of the menu I have to fight with my fellow table mates for room on the table surface to spread them out. You spread out more than two of these giant menus and the table disappears. If you lose the table space game and choose to hold the menu upright, you now are in your own cubicle or study carol. Once I get the fucker open I am bombarded by useless words describing the food. I do not mind words such as grilled, roasted, or sautéed. Those words help me decided what I will order. The useless words I am referring to would be words such as, tender, succulent, and juicy. I am always under the false pretense that the food would or should be tender, succulent and juicy. Don't tell me that it will be, it is my job to tell you if it is. Don't try to Vulcan mind fuck me with these useless words. Remove some of these useless words and either replace them or get rid of them all together, thus reducing the size of this imported car sized menu. Another idea to reduce the size of the menu would be remove the pictures. I am going to shock you for a moment. I already know what a burger and salad look like. I don't need a picture to refresh my memory. I am not from Pakistan I have eaten most of these things before, therefore I know what they look like. Even if I haven't, part of the dinning excitement is the anticipation of the presentation of the food. The picture always looks better then the food that gets dropped in front of me. Having the picture only lets me down. I get my food and say to myself, Shit it looked better in the picture. Remove the picture and you remove the disappointment. If you cannot convince me with words of what I should order then you are using the wrong words. I have another idea that would reduce the menu size but that comes later. If you think that this woolly mammoth sized menu is it, you guessed wrong. There is always something they call table tents. Don't know what that is, look next to the Salt and Pepper shakers. There is always another smaller menu containing either the wine list and or desserts. Don't put that shit on the table. Have the waitress present that to me. That way she can build some excitement around it. As for the wine list, if you think that some picture of a fuzzy label on a wine bottle is going to get me to order the wine, you think wrong. Once again I have been to a liquor store I know what a wine bottle looks like. Here is a great idea, put wine suggestions next to or near the main entrees. Next to your T-bone steak description you could suggest to me what wine to get and describe it using real words would best compliment the steak. This would encourage me to order wine, far more than the dim witted waitress simply asking me if she can get me something to drink. More about the waitress later. Why does the menu have to be hermetically sealed in some cheap binding? I have many better ideas on menu binding and presentation, I simply don't have to time nor do I have the inclination or continue on about the menu.

Once a person has muddled their way through the menu, we are always introduced to either one of two types of waitresses. The first being a lazy fucken idiot and the latter being a stupid fucken idiot. The difference being the stupid one smiles. They straight away ask me, "What can I get for you?" Holy fucken sheep shit. Back up the train. First, tell me your name, not that I give a shit I just don't want to yell "Hey, Fucktard" when I need to call you over. Second, thank me for coming to the restaurant, don't forget I might have a moment of stupidity and feel the need to tip you. Thank me in advance. Also don't ask me what you can get me. Tell me the special, or wow me with your favorite menu selections and tell me what wine you would drink with it. You could tell me what your last customers chose and how they loved it. Here is a better idea tell me what would be a good starter, something that might help prepare and cleanse my palette before I have my main course. Or even suggest a cocktail while I further decide upon what I might order. Being a waitress is not just a matter of bringing me my food but you should also entertain and keep some excitement going on. I should rely on you to suggest to me the various combinations that the menu has to offer that will best impart to me the culinary experience that your chef wants to impart. The way in which you do these things is endless. I only mention a few because there are many more things that I need to teach you about being a good waitress. After you have dazzled me with your knowledge or lack thereof pertaining to the menu you should also quickly bring my drinks. Also make sure that I have all the utensils and other such things on my table that I will need to enhance my experience. Don't bring to me my drinks in a piece meal fashion. Bring everyone’s drink and or food items at the same time. If you can't do it yourself get help. It makes other diners at the table unfuckencomfortable when one person doesn't have their drink or food item. I feel guilty when I have my food sitting in front of me and my wife does not. I have to wait until she gets hers because unlike you I am polite. Don't put this uncomfortable strain upon diners. It does not enhance my experience. Once I get my drinks and my starter has arrived bring glasses of water regardless of whether or not I have asked for it Visit my table with a fucken smile on your face and stop giving me the impression that I am inconveniencing you.

(This does not only apply to restaurants. It applies to all service industries. I do not want a checkout person who is on the phone, nor do I want a sales associate who is talking to their buddy and simply points to where something is. Walk me to the fucken item. What you are doing is being one of the most rude, ignorant, self-centered, lazy, dumb fuckers around. I am not inconveniencing you I am putting money into the pockets of the greedy bastards that signs your pay cheques. You should be thanking me. Don't like your job, quit. If you don't quit remember that it is your job and you choose it. Also remember that you are getting paid to make me happy. Do all this with a smile. I am not paid to enter your store and not bother you. I am paying you so I can bother you. I swear the next time that I come across this kind of attitude I am going to lose it. Hang out with me and watch. We as consumers should not allow this. Wonder who these dumb fuckers are? They are your children, your friends, your sister and your brother. Yell at yourself for not correcting their behaviour, because I am going to. All this shit is caused by poor parenting and a whimpy society. No wonder the terrorists are winning. They have bigger balls, they are pushier, and they demand more from themselves. )

Waitresses should stop by my table often; stop by during the different courses, and check to see how things are going. Don't be pulling this David Copperfield shit on me. It is uncomfortable for customers to have to ask and call over waitress to bring them something when it is your job to makes sure I have everything. How fucken stupid can you be? I should not have to point out your inabilities or lack of observational skills to you. One last thing about waitress because just like the menu, the list can be endless. I am amazed at how mentally retarded waitress are. I mean if I want to go to a restaurant where retards work I will go to Harvey’s. If you as a waitress walking past a table, I don't give a shit if it is yours, and you notice, which is also a small fucken miracle, that there are empty plates on the table, then remove the used plates and let me know that you will notify my waitress that we are finished. Here is the rule for waitress. When you leave the kitchen, have full hands, when you enter the kitchen have full hands. Do all the above with a smile on your face and be cheery. I have a shitty job too. I don't get paid to smile but you do. You give me a shitastic dining experience and I leave you a shitastic tip. Then you get pissed at me. I am not the asshole in that equation. You earn your tip; it is not assumed that I will tip. A tip is only there to express to you how I felt my experience was. Only if it is exceptional then you get a tip. All the waitresses who read this should read that last little bit twice.

I will try to keep the manager bit short, this is getting long and I still have to talk about the food. Mangers, what the hell do you people do? You don't or can't or won't train your waitresses properly, and you don't seem to visit tables to ensure happy customers. This is your job. Ask people what could have been improved. Then reassure them that it will be better when they return. If you see me return then make good upon your previous promise. A good manager knows at what stage of the dining experience every table is at. You should also be an expert sales person. You should be trying to sell me wine or dessert using your expert knowledge. Don't give me the same company line to try and sell me dessert that the waitress used. Also, you are there to assist the waitresses. Don't stand in the back yelling for more waitresses to come pick up food. Do it yourself. Once completed go find the waitresses. A good manager knows what every waitress is doing and knows their strengths and weaknesses. Managers should be expert waitresses themselves, not some asshole who has only waitressed for a short while and is on some ego trip. Your ego does not improve my dining experience. Once again there is more on this topic, but I need to drive forward.

I left the food for last. The food is the most important part of a restaurant. I never go to a restaurant for any other reason other than to eat. I don't go to a restaurant to compare the grease factor of menus, nor do I go to splash around in the piss that surrounds the urinal. Don't give me that bar and drinking bullshit, you know what I mean. I am going to go back to the menu, remember how painfully large the menu is? The idea I have to shrink the menu is as follows. Rather than have 20 starters and 20 pastas and 20 steaks and well the same shit but worded or rearranged differently than the guy down the road, you should have 5 starters and 5 main dishes. Have fewer menu items. Don't have 50 items that are made poorly just like the guy down the road, have 5 - 10 items on the menu that you do better than anyone’s else. Specialize in a few items; fill a particular niche that no one else has. This will improve business. I can eat pasta at East Side then I can eat pasta a Crabby Joe's and it all has the same plastic taste. If you were to do a blind taste test you would not know the difference. All the damn items at all the restaurants seem to be the same. This fucks with my wow factor when I dine at your restaurant. Everything seems to be greasy and poorly seasoned. Vegetables at Kelsey's are the same vegetables at East Side or Boston Pizza and so forth. All of these places have the same prepackaged or frozen vegetables that have been overly or under cooked then tossed in garlic butter. I have nothing against garlic butter but holy shit, the buns you brought me have the same garlic butter, along with the fish which is cooked in garlic butter, and don't forget the garlic brushed steak. I love garlic but there are a plethora of other flavors that you could use. I mean Holy Fucken Shit it. This is getting out of hand. If you had less items you could tweak and enhance them to be better. It almost seems to be a contest between restaurants as to who can reuse the same menu items in a different fashion to create a new dish. Guess what dopey if you use the same food ingredients, I don't care how you arrange them it is going to taste the same. Here is a better idea, why don't you change your menu. Better yet change it to reflect the season and change with seasonal foods. Also this salt and pepper shit has got to end. If you as a cook could season your food properly I would not have add seasoning. I am an eater not a cook I should not have to fix your food. If you paid your cooks properly you might get proper cooks, not some high school tattooed delinquent. I am tired of being asked if I want fries with that. I am not at McDonald's for Christ sake. If fries, mashed potatoes, and rice are your only alternative you might as well be the restaurant next door. Dishes should not have options such as these. All the items on my plate should complement each other. It is a package deal. I am just tired of eating the same thing no matter what restaurant I go to. I can get the same quarter chicken dinner at every restaurant on London Road. That is fucked. I have not gone into great detail with restaurant food. I could, most of my readers know that I have cooked for almost ten years and even went to school for cooking. The purpose of this rant was not for me to write a menu for these places but to point out my major piss offs.

Now if restaurants could fix all of these problems and more and still do it at a price that does not force me to sell my kidney then major accomplishments have been achieved. Most of the stuff that I have mentioned above is common sense. But as I have said more than a million times common sense is not common. Your average restaurant worker is a moron, not because of where they work but because the world is full of morons. I figure that everyone should automatically know everything that I have mentioned above, but if I did that I would be the moron.

Don't let the terrorists win. Invite them out to dinner.

A teacher.

I found this article somewhere and thought that it did a fairly minimal job of describing a teachers duties, albeit that it is American.

After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said,

"Let me see if I've got this right: You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride. You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams. You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps?

You want me to do all this, and then you tell me...............I CAN'T PRAY?"

Don't let the terrorists win. Allow prayer back into our schools.

Happy politically correct Halloween

Today is a great day to be a kid. You get to dress up in some crazy costume then beat on peoples doors while they throw candy at you. I can remember the excitement as if it was yesterday. My heart was racing and my blood sugar was through the roof. I would running as fast as I could from house to house, always trying to get one last house in before I quit for the night. Once I was home I would separate my candy into different piles. One pile was for chocolate another for crappy apples that may or may not contain razor blades. I had a pile for chips, and a pile for cans of pop. Sometimes if you was lucky enough I could trade with my friends; trade two bags of plain extra salted chips for a full size chocolate bar or some other such combination. If I was careful enough I could ration out my stash of candy till the end of November. As I sit here I recall that it wasn't about the costume, it was about the candy. Sure, before the actual day of sugar bliss it was about the costume. Your friend would tell you what they were dressing up as and you would reply with an equally scary costume idea. But once the day came we were all equal. We did not measure each other by our costume. We used the amount of candy to determine how successful one another had become.

I am sure that if you have read my previous rants, by now you are asking yourself where is the sarcasm, the hate, the anger, and the swear words. I am turning over a new leaf.

I want to propose a few Halloween costume ideas for adults as they venture off to their respective Halloween parties.

Raggedy Ann. This costume clearly objectifies women.

Werewolf. Offensive to animal advocates and those with male-pattern baldness.

Skeleton. Exhibits an insensitivity toward those with eating disorders.

Angel. Mocks religion and the religious.

Dracula. Endorses the irresponsible practice of transmitting bodily fluids.

Ghost. Glorifies the occult not to mention the obvious KKK connection.

Cowboy. Encourages violence, cruelty to animals and spontaneous "whooping." and would offend anti-gun people not to mention Indians.

Pirate. Distasteful to those with hooks for hands and the vision impaired (wearers of eye patches), not to mention parrot owners.

Zombie. Disrespectful of the dead.

Princess. Contributes to myth that women must be "rescued" to live happily ever after (same goes for Snow White); also insulting to certain Jewish-Americans.

Baby. Promotes a lack of respect for youth, human life and those who drool voluminously.

Halloween is a time when the MAJORITY carelessly offends the MINORITY. Some Christians, Muslims and people of other faiths see Halloween as a celebration of the dark arts. Wiccans feel that it marginalizes their deep-held beliefs. Shouldn't we be more sensitive to their needs, fuck no.

Drizzle mayo on your face and dress as an alter boy.

Jump into a dress, get blitzed, lose your underware, tape some lunch meat to your nether regions and call yourself Brittany Spears,Lindsay Lohen, or Paris Hilton.

Grab a wire coat hanger, straighten it out and presto you are Bob the Back-Alley Abortion Doctor.

Get a skelton costume, put fake puke down the front, carry a package of Ex-Lax, pin 3 Queens and 2 Jacks playing cards together on your back and go as Mary Kate Olsen.

Dress as Micheal Jackson and tape Macaulay Culkin to your crotch.

Also related. Dress as the Prime Minister and fuck everyone in the ass as they walk by.

Wear a sombrero and carry a leaf blower and put a Tequila bottle in your back pocket, now you are a Mexican.

Slip into a suit and tie, strap on a few dog collars to three women and now you are a polygamist.

Slide on a Superman costume, plop yourself into a wheelchair and presto you are Christopher Reeve.

Slap on a Catholic Priest uniform and call yourself Pedophile Pete.

Spin a towel on your head, strap on a bomb vest, call yourself, Akbar Ahmad Habib. You are now the Muslim Fundamentalist Terrorist.

I am going as the latter. Have a good Halloween.

Expecting more? Don't we all. Learn to live with disappointment, that is what life is all about.

Don't let the terrorists win..... Dress as one.

Bumper stickers

I edited my last note because I was concerned that it was to confusing. I removed a very important part. I felt that I must repost it. It deals with bumper stickers.

Why are people posting dumb as fuck bumper stickers on their vehicles?

People are dumb as goats to believe that hanging a 'baby on board' sticker in their back window is going to make me a better driver. Hanging a 'baby on board' sticker does nothing but inform me that you failed to put a condom on.

Let us have respect for others and have honest bumper stickers.

How about one that reads:

I am a shitty driver because I am talking on my cell phone, reading a book, changing the radio station, eating, putting on my makeup, and yelling at my kid in the backseat.

Better yet:

This is the only bumper sticker on my car because I do not want to distract other drivers as they drive.

Yet another:

I am not an arrogant pushy prick and do not feel the need to share my stupid ass ideas and political agenda with everyone who passes by.

One final bumper sticker.

I do not have a yellow ribbon or a pink ribbon on my car because I am smart enough unlike every other fucker to figure out that EVERYONE is against AIDS and breast cancer.

Well that is it. That is the end of this post/rant.

Actually I guess there is one bumper sticker that I forgot. It can be seen on the bumper of George Bush's tricycle.

Don't let the terrorists win.

A story to describe the times.

As I was driving home last night I was try to think about what I might write my new rant about. Just as I was leaving Sarnia a fellow driver assisted me in coming up with a topic. Some fool was trying to pass me. He moved to the left hand lane, accelerated, and pulled in front of me. He did not cut me off, he did not come dangerously close to hitting me. But I did notice that he failed to to use his right turn signal to indicate his pulling in front of me. Instead he just cranked the steering wheel and pulled in front of me and sped off. If you are thinking that I am going to talk about the shitty driving habits of your average person, you would be wrong. That is too easy. If you are wondering who your average shitty driver is, look in a mirror. Remember the driver who pulled in front of me? Because I pose a question to you... Why did this driver not use his signal? You can give any reason you want. There wasn't anyone on the road but the two of us and it wasn't required, he was far enough ahead of me that it wasn't needed, or simply he is a shitty driver. Whatever your answer is, you are wrong. I believe that it all stems from my next statement.

People's lack of respect for others.

Is it not common courtesy to use your signal to inform other drivers of your intentions. Putting the fact that it is the law aside for a moment. It is still a polite thing to do.

I give you one last example from my life. This next example I have been saying for years. This person pissed me off so much that over the last 3-4 years it is still clear as crystal in my head. I say crystal because how is a fucken bell clear?

I will make this story very short.

I lent my pen to a person. (I use person because I don't want to be accused of being sexist). I walked away. I returned and said goodbye to the person. I walked the person to their car. Thought the person stole my pen. No problem. I take peoples pens all the time. A few hours roll by. I find my pen that I lent this person. It was hiding in a corner. I picked up my pen to place it into my pocket. The pen was broken.

Perhaps you failed to see why so many years later I would be pissed. I mean this shit haunts my dreams. Let me fill you in because you may not have noticed. The person broke my pen and failed to tell me, then hid the pen. See the problem. I doubt it. Let me be more clear. I do not give a shit if the pen was broken. I do not give a shit if the person took the pen. I am mad because the person lied.

If you think that I have some kind of a fetish for pens then you are a moron. You fail to see the big picture. I know most if not all people never see the big picture. Let me point it out for you. Idiot. If this person will not tell me about a broken pen, then do you think they will tell you when they dent your car door? Do you think they will pick up a lost cellphone or wallet and try to return it to the proper owner. The answer is a resounding fuck NO. If you have fooled yourself into believe yes, then beat your heat off the keyboard and walk the fuck away.

People do not hold doors open for other people anymore. When a door is held open for someone it almost comes as a shock. We bump into people and do not say excuse me. We cough or sneeze with no care as to who we just blew our phlegm on. The worst one of all is we do not wash our hands. If you think this does not affect others, your an idiot as well as a dirty person. You touch other people's hands and handles of doors and so forth, spreading your shit. Another great example is go to your local Harvey's and watch, I mean really watch the person who puts your burger together. It is a fricken miracle that more people are not sick after eating there. Ride a bus during rush hour and see how many people give up their seat to an elderly person. Pay attention to how many people idle/park in no parking areas. The list is fucken endless. I am sure you have many yourself. Google 'Lack of respect' and the list becomes infinite. I do not want to get started on the lack of respect the government has for you and me. The government lies, cheats and steals on an hourly basis. These practices are the WD-40 that keeps the government moving. I do hope that you see the truism in that statement.

We have many laws and rules. If you read them and study them, then you come to a realization. If you are a bible person then read the ten commandments. They can also be boiled down to the same realization, common decency and respect for others. They are there to force us to "show" respect to others. It is very sad that we have to have this shit written down and made into laws and rules to live by. They should come naturally to us. We should have been taught this when we were children. It should not have to be forced upon us as adults.

I sit here thinking where this lack of respect comes from. It comes from shitty parenting. I think this is important and you need to hear it again. Lack of respect comes from shitty parents. Lack of respect is a learned trait.

Students sitting in class ignoring their professors as they text away on their cell phones. Students sitting in the back of class chatting as the professor tries to teach. Then the student has the balls to accuse the teacher of being a bad teacher and for their crap grades. Students in public schools talking back to their teacher at the age of 8. Students telling their teachers to fuck off. Where do they get this from you may stupidly ask. They get it from their parents. Aside from the fact that children are having children therefore not knowing how to parent properly, the young impressionable youth live in a home where their dad yells at their mother and so forth. A home where the value of a hard days work is not taught. The value of sitting around the table and not the tv to discuss how everyone's day went. If you can't figure out why that is important, then I am not going to bother. Instead "allowance" is a rent that is paid to children to prevent bad behaviour instead of reward good behaviour.

I know that I am making a very poor argument. I know I could have done a better job. You should respect the fact that I am kind enough to let you into a small part of my brain. Respect the fact that I am sharing this with you. If you think that I am not showing you any respect in my words above, then you are right. Do as I say not as I do. You will never catch me not washing my hands, or failing to say excuse me when I bump into you. I do not visit a friend and leave my garbage that I brought with me on their table. When I crash at your house I will always make the bed before I leave. I will always say please and thank you. I will always eat what is put in front of me. I will not turn up my nose and make rude faces. I will not visit your house and start touching and moving your shit. I will help clean up your house after a night of partying. I will not pee on your floor nor will I leave your toilet seat up. I will not cut in front of you in a line. I will make sure that my child does not run around the restaurant like a drunken midget disturbing everyone. If my dog drops a large load in your yard I will pick it up. I will not blow a yellow light because I am under the false pretense that getting to my final destination is more important than you to yours. Finally, you will always see me use my right signal when I pass you. I will stop now because I know I have more respect for others than you do. How do I know this... because I wrote this rant before you did. I am a cynic. I have very little faith in people. Even with me saying this I know I have more respect for others than you. I respect you enough to be honest.

I shall end my rant as so.

Have you made sure that your 16 year old daughter has put her baby to sleep early enough so she can get her homework done? Or are you babysitting your grandchild so your child can go off to party with her friends? If you fail to see how respect for others has anything to do with the questions I asked, then

The terrorists have already won.