Are you being served?

I write this rant not with the intension to criticize or insult, but to honor and praise the hard working few that work in the service industry. This rant is for you. You know who you are. The greedy season of Xmas is upon us. It is a time when everyone and their goat, feels the need to spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need for people they don’t care about. I am always amazed that during the Xmas season, a time when people should be kind and loving towards others, how rude you can be to customer service representatives.

Tap Tap Tap is the noise of the impatient customer. Tap Tap Tap is a noise that is heard by all customer service representatives. It is a noise that causes people in the service industry to want to murder. It is a noise far worse than nails on a chalkboard. Tap Tap Tap is the noise of an impatient customer striking their nails or coins on the counter. The noise is always followed by me envisioning some sort of Hannibal Lecter style defingering of the impatient customer.

The Xmas season does not provide an environment of fun loving happy go lucky people. The Xmas season seems to inspire us to flaunt our most aggressive and ignorant qualities. The impatient customers are always oblivious to the fact that other people are being tended to by customer services representatives. The shopper demands immediate attention, immediate satisfaction, and immediate gratification.

There is a gigantic misnomer that seems to float around in the service industry. I want to clear this up very quickly. The customer, you, is not always correct. I recall a time when I worked in the service industry. I recall a customer who was ranting and raving. This customer claimed that she was intentionally sold a computer mouse that was not functioning. She continued to inform me as well as the entire store that her genius son had tried to get the mouse to work. She continued to tell the store that this was the second mouse she had purchased that did not work. If a customer can be openly hostile to a person they don’t know over something as simple as a computer mouse, how is the customer service representative supposed to deal with the situation while smiling? It is by the grace of God that the impatient customer does not get a stapler in the head. In case you are wondering how I dealt with the situation I shall continue the story. I removed the batteries from the computer mouse and placed them back into the mouse in the correct positioning. I then informed her that perhaps her genius son would be better off with a mouse that did not require batteries. I was appalled by the customers open vindictiveness towards me. Why would I have sold this person a non functioning device? I had little interest in dealing with this customer the first time let alone a second. I feel the need to point out that the customer was a woman, one of these self appointed important people. She had no problem elbowing her way to the front of the line. Where in the Xmas season mentality does it say elbow your way to the front of a line and be openly hostile and vindictive towards strangers?

Customer service representatives not only have to deal with arrogant, ignorant, greedy, hostile, demanding, and impatient customers but they themselves are often over tired, over worked, stressed and underpaid. While working as a salesman during the Xmas season I was often required to work 6 days a week and 10 hours a day for most of November, December, and January. If anyone should be impatient I would think that it would be the CSRs. Think about that as you are sitting around your Xmas Turkey, because I assure you that most salesmen will not be, they will be at work dealing with idiots. As you are standing line on Boxing Day waiting to explode on anyone near you, keep in mind that you are lucky. You are lucky because you have the ability to buy things you want, whereas the CSR is working to pay for things they need. Your perceived want is not a need. Unless you are standing in line at the water company, hydro company, housing department, or a grocery store you are one of the lucky ones. Be happy and enjoy the Xmas season, stop being a snob. Customer service representatives (CSR) must be polite and courteous and have an ever present smile while dealing with these less than human customers. There is little doubt in my mind that most if not all CSR’s strive to do their best to appease the customer. I have little doubt because the faster they can help you, the impatient customer, the less of a chance you are going to be a dick. I will tell you, the impatient customer a secret. Happy, smiling, eager customers will get attention from a CSR more quickly than a pissed customer. Most people prefer to deal with smiling people than openly hostile people.

If you the impatient customer wants to be angry towards someone then direct your anger towards the correct people. The first person you should direct your hostility towards is yourself. If you shopped in a timely manner then perhaps you would not be so impatient. The second person you should be angry with is the greedy bastards who own the store. It is a very simple equation. Sales minus overhead equals profit. If a store can reduce its overhead by limiting its labor costs then it makes more profit. It isn’t the CSR’s fault that only 3 people are working in a store when clearly 10 people are required. Nor is it anyone’s fault other yours that a CSR called in sick the day you happen to be shopping. Why is it your fault that the CSR called in sick you ask? Perhaps you should not send your infected child to school thus infecting others. Perhaps you should wash your hands after using the washroom. The list is endless. A salesman does not have control over staffing issues. Another reason why you become openly aggressive is the fact that you the customer have misconceptions over what is occurring in a store. If you see what you ignorantly believe is a free CSR that doesn’t seem to be helping you then do not assume that they are being lazy or simply ignoring you. The CSR is most likely trying to sort out twelve or more issues in their head. The CSR could be, God forbid I even say it, having lunch. After numerous hours of dealing with ignorant impatient customers such as yourselves I think any person including yourself would need a few minutes to refuel and regroup for another bout of dealing with you. I often see CSR’s fervently puffing away on a cigarette. I am never angry with these people. I only think to myself that I am happy that they have a crutch to lean on.

I would feel vindicated if some time during the Xmas season I read the following headline:

Customer Service Representative beats ignorant and rude customer to death with a Tickle Me Elmo.

Don’t let the terrorists win. Use your Xmas spirit and kill them with kindness.