Jargon

I am going to throw a few terms at you here:

I'm calling to touch base
Let's run the numbers and see how they look
Let's touch base next week
Think outside the box
Heads up
Synergy
Strategic ubiquity
Actionable
Early birding
Exit strategy
Lateral promotion
Negative profit
Out-of-pocket
Outside opportunity

This list of terms could go on forever. I am tired of this sort of bullshit. Jargon is a language of insiders. It undermines communication with everyone else. Work is not the only place that we hear this sort of meaningless garbage. You can hear this crap even at Star Bucks. Coffee retailers giving stupid names to cup sizes. As you know, this trend began several years ago when Starbucks (motto: "There's one opening right now in your basement") decided to call its cup sizes "Tall" (meaning "not tall," or "small"), "Grande" (meaning "medium") and "Venti" (meaning, for all we know, "weasel snot"). Unfortunately, we consumers, like moron sheep, started actually using these names. Why? If Starbucks decided to call its toilets "AquaSwooshies," would we go along with that? Yes! Baaa!

Listen, people: You should never, ever have to utter the words "Grande Supremo" unless you are addressing a tribal warlord who is holding you captive and deciding whether to chop off your feet. Just say you want a large coffee, people. Because if we let the coffee people get away with this, they're not going to stop, and some day, just to get a lousy cup of coffee, you'll hear yourself saying, "I'll have a Mega Grandissimaximo Giganto de Humongo-Rama-Lama-Ding-Don

g decaf." And then you will ask for the key to the AquaSwooshie.

And when that happens, people, the terrorists will have won.

IMglish or imglish: The secret and evolving language of Instant Messaging. The collection of abbreviations, acronyms and shorthand that allows IMers to say whole sentences in three to five letters – and keep parents and employers in the dark.

~BTW -By The Way
~CYA - See You Around
~FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions
~HTH - Hope This Helps
~IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
~MOTD - Message Of The Day

I have addressed 3 different sorts of crap language. We are throwing away the English language. We might as well start beating on our chests and grunt. We use words to communicate.

The research, published by Investors in People, reveals that over a third of employees think using office jargon betrays a lack of confidence, and one in five workers think people who use it are untrustworthy or trying to cover something up. 42% of employees believe jargon creates misunderstanding about roles and responsibilities, and 37% say it results in mistrust in the workplace and makes people feel inadequate. However, 55% of senior managers think jargon is harmless.

People seem to develop words or phrases in the hope of making us sound smarter. WRONG!! It makes people sound like snobs. Most of this stuff is developed to cover or hide something or to misguide us some how.

As a side note...

Chocolate Flavoured.... means no fucken chocolate.

Lemon Flavoured ..... means no fucken lemons.

Homemade.... how does a giant company produce something that is homemade, unless the workers sleep at the factory.

Homestyle.... see Homemade.

I am sorry that this note isn't laid out better but it is 3am and this is the best I can do at this hour. I just want to end this with one last thought.....

I went to supper with my lovely wife tonight and during that time I must have heard the waitress say one of my least favourite words about 12 times. Actually it isn't even a word. Whoever came up with this word is a moron. Why does a person need to pluralize a word that is already plural?

Since when did the "word" YOUS become part of the English language? It is not a word. Stop FUCKEN SAYING IT.

For a while anytime anyone said the "word" YOUS I said US'S. Hoping that the person would realize that they were morons and stop. These people are not that smart. A very good friend of mine pointed out to me that I should stop saying US's just in case it catches on. If yous can be used why can't us's. Fucktards. How about.... Look at all the fishes....there are a lot of peoples in this room.... For the love of God why don't we just stick to the language that the rest society has already agreed upon. That was not a question.

It is late and I am tired.